Busted: Infertiles don't talk about infertility

One final post for National Infertility Awareness Week and one final myth: Infertility is stigmatized because infertiles are afraid to talk about it. First, I'll concede that some people never breathe a word to anyone. And that's okay. But so many others spread awareness in a lot of different ways. Blogging and tweeting -- even anonymously -- empowers those struggling with fertility issues. It encourages those who are desperately looking for someone to relate to their experience.

I'm so inspired by this community who proves over and over again that we're not afraid to talk about it. The NIAW blog posts busting myths have been amazing, as have been the individual acts of courage -- from visiting legislators (Go, Whitney!), to "coming out" on Facebook (Go, Tillie!), to writing her company's HR about insurance coverage for fertility treatment (Go, Slackie!), to hosting a fundraiser and matching donations for Resolve (Go, Jen!). I'd encourage you to visit Jen's blog and purchase one of her fundraiser #hope t-shirts. I did, and I can't wait to wear it!

I'd like to write more, but I broke my arm this week. I'm not sure I have anything unique enough to say to justify the time it would take to type it left-handed. So, I'll leave you with a few NIAW posts that really spoke to me this year:

• Katie busts the myth that having a resolution makes everything better
• Mo busts a handful of miscarriage myths and reminds the RPL girls why we belong to the infertility community too
• Esperanza busts the myth that miscarriages aren't real losses

For more information, see Infertility 101, and take charge at National Infertility Awareness Week.

Busted: Fertility is a lifestyle choice

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and I'm participating in Resolve's Bust a Myth about Infertility Blogging Challenge. The myth I'm going to bust: Fertility is a lifestyle choice. This is the corollary to the myth that infertility is not a disease.

Read any article online about infertility -- especially articles about health care coverage for fertility treatment or testing -- and you will encounter dozens of readers' comments below claiming that fertility is a choice. Having children is purely optional. Infertility is just nature's way... natural selection... This myth is pervasive -- even influencing PETA's recent gimmick to draw awareness of human overpopulation by offering a vasectomy in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week.

Last year, I had three miscarriages. At age 32, that should not have occurred. It's biologically abnormal. Something is wrong with my body, my eggs, my husband's sperm, or a combination of problems. Maybe I have a clotting disorder or an immune disorder or a hormonal problem. I don't know what is wrong yet, and maybe I never will. But it's a medical problem -- not a choice.

Many others have fertility problems because they have endometriosis, polycystic ovary syndrome, azoospermia, or some other unknown problem that prevents them from (easily) having children -- not a choice.

Studies have shown that women dealing with infertility often feel as anxious or depressed as those diagnosed with cancer, hypertension, or are recovering from a heart attack. Other studies have shown that nearly 20% of women who have had more than one miscarriage or stillbirth still show signs of anxiety or depression nearly 3 years after giving birth to a live baby. Infertility is a medical problem -- not a choice.

The desire to reproduce is strong. It's innate. It's not something that can be turned off or on. Deciding not to have children is a choice. Deciding to have children but not being able to -- not a choice.*
 
*Adoption is a great option and one I've always planned to pursue, even before my fertility problems. But it's not something feasible or desireable to everyone. It's certainly not something to be foisted on infertile couples as "proof" that fertility is a lifestyle choice just because infertiles may have this parenting option available to them.
  
Until the public understands that inability to have children is not a lifestyle choice, our medical care and coverage will continue to suffer. My current insurance will pay for an unlimited number of pregnancies or miscarriages. But fertility treatment or testing? No way. The insurance companies don't want to do it, and the public doesn't insist on it.
 
We must work to change this. After all, if erec.tile dysfunc.tion is considered a treatable and insurable medical condition and not a lifestyle choice, then certainly my body's inability to create or sustain a viable human life is worthy of the same designation.

For more information, see Infertility 101 and take charge at National Infertility Awareness Week.

All dressed up and nowhere to go...

I finally had a little time tonight to finally blog about PETA. Just as I settled in to write, I saw this tweet from Keiko Zoll: VICTORY! @PETA removes ALL links to Nat'l #Infertility Awareness Week! WE DID IT! WE WERE HEARD!

So, I guess there's no point in blogging about it anymore. But, what the heck - I still have things to say. I'm sure by now you've heard the background, but if not check it out here and here. And read some other fantastic letters here and here.

Some people online criticized those of us who spoke out against PETA. I get it. PETA thrives on the public outcry it generates through outrageous and distasteful campaigns. Why reward them with the attention they seek? But for me, it presented the opportunity I'd been looking for.

I "came out" on Facebook last Fall for National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day. I got some good feedback... and then I never mentioned it again. I've been thinking for the last few weeks about posting again for National Infertility Awareness Week. But I've been nervous. I don't know how many people saw my initial post. And I don't know how many others saw it but immediately forgot again. Did I really want to remind everyone that I've had (shhh) s-e-x? That I've tried to have a baby but failed?

Yes, of course I wanted to. I'm not ashamed. I'm not a failure. I am proud. So PETA gave me the opening I was looking for. I posted a blurb about NIAW with a link to the petition. It didn't seem to get much attention, but that's okay. I firmly believed what I tweeted afterwards: I don't care that I'm giving PETA free PR, because I'm also giving infertility free PR and that matters to me.

The icing on the cake is that PETA has now dropped the reference. I'm amazed and inspired. Now please excuse me while I go donate to Resolve...

In other news, my sister had her baby. It's a girl and all is well. Her doctor described the delivery as "textbook." I was pretty upset the night she was in labor (not for her but for what for mine were not), but I've been mostly okay since then. I'll be visiting over Easter so I have a little more time to get used to it.