This post is overdue, but I finally have the time to devote to it.
On October 15, as planned, I came out of the miscarriage closet on FB. As I explained before, it was partially self-interested. I hoped that by posting, people would be less likely to say clueless things in the future about my apparent disinterest in children. And I hoped that people who know me and my sister would be more compassionate when she announces her pregnancy. (Which she has been announcing - slowly. I know she feels guilty about announcing it to extended family, which makes me feel guilty too. It's a vicious circle!) I also wanted to be there for other people who are going through a miscarriage or struggling with infertility. After my second miscarriage, I felt a desperate need to connect with other people, but I literally didn't know anyone my age who had been through even one. The solitude sent me to twitter and blogs where I met all of you lovely people (who have helped me more than you'll ever know).
So, the morning of October 15, I changed my profile picture to the Faces of Loss logo for the world to see. I chose the option where you can post a picture to your wall so that it would show up in my friends' news feeds and I wrote "October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day." I wanted to be subtle, but not so subtle that no one noticed.
The results were very positive. My oldest friend, who already knew, kicked off the comments by reminding me of one of our favorite singers who had multiple miscarriages. Several other people wished me well. But of course the comments that meant the most to me were from the people who confided in their own losses that I had not known about. A friend from high school lost his baby at 20 weeks. A friend from elementary school had two miscarriages. And my best friend from college, who I've lost contact with outside of FB, also had a miscarriage but was pregnant again. In the course of thanking people for sharing their stories, I shared that I had lost two (which I hadn't been planning to do).
Of course, I have no way of knowing how many people saw my post but didn't comment. No relatives commented outside of my aunt who already knew. I hope that no one saw my post and thought it was inappropriate. But mostly I just hope that my post helped spread awareness and that someone who struggles in the future will remember me and reach out.
I can't embed this video of Tori Amos discussing miscarriages and solitude, but I recommend watching it. She is, as always, poetic.
P.S. As far as I know, Carlos is hanging in there. We're well past the previous two losses. Next appointment - Nov. 10.
