Thank you

I am overwhelmed by the support I've received on Twitter and from LFCA. Thank you all so much.

This weekend was strange for me and my family. On Friday we learned that my pregnancy was a loss and that my younger sister is having a girl. I'm trying my best not to let the jealousy take over. (Prior to the miscarriages I would have said I really wanted a girl, but by #3 I was sticking to the "I just want it to be healthy" line.) She's treading so carefully around my feelings, and I feel awful that she can't just enjoy her pregnancy like everyone deserves to. And I'm trying not to dwell on how her pregnancy has been so easy and mine have all been so, umm, short.

It is what it is. But back to the point of this post - thank you a thousand times.

Green-eyed monster pills

Of all the feelings infertility* gives me, jealousy is the worst.  And lately, my green-eyed monster is developing into a full-fledged Incredible Hulk.  I walk down the street frowning at the cute pregnant bellies.  Scowling at the cell phone talkers who ignore the adorable babies they're pushing in strollers down the street.  And feeling generally like other people haven't earned their happy family.

What kind of f-ed up thoughts are those?  Can't I just deal with my own situation without also worrying about whether other people sufficiently appreciate what they have?

My most guilty green-eyed monster feelings stem from my sister.  I love my sister.  Other than mrohkay, she's my best friend in the world.  And she's pregnant.  When I'm talking to her, I'm genuinely happy and excited for her.  In between talking to her, I'm so jealous.  Did she have to become interested in baby-making right in the middle of my journey?  Did she have to confide in me during her very first two week wait about how frustrated she already felt?  (Yes, she had only one wait.)  Couldn't it have taken her just a couple of extra months so that I could be (fingers crossed) on my third try?

Of course I know she should not have waited on my indefinite journey to start trying to have her own family.  I would never actually wish extra two-week waits on her.  And I am holding my breath for her heartbeat scan on Monday, terrified that she will have to go through what I've been through.

So my question is: are there pills to cure my green-eyed monster infection, and are they safe for my two-week wait?

*I'm uncomfortable with the word infertility because I feel underqualified to use it, but that's a blog post for another time.