Before I found out about baby #3, I had decided to participate in the "I am the face" campaign for National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day on October 15. A handful of people in my life know about my pregnancy losses. I feel conflicted because I want to be activist-y, but I also want my private life to be private. The activist side is winning (though this blog is remaining quasi-anonymous for now), and I will post the icon as my profile picture on Facebook for my 208 friends to see. I haven't decided on posting a status as well.
But before you congratulate me on being brave, I'll admit that my decision is partially self-interested. My sister is 14 weeks pregnant now, and many of our friends and family are learning about it. I'm hoping that putting the idea in their heads that my childlessness isn't the result of disinterest will deter some of them from making inappropriate comments to me. I know, of course, that people will be clueless and rude regardless, but I hope this will prevent just a few hurtful comments.
But in a strange turn of events - not only is October 15 National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, it's also the day of my first ultrasound for Carlos. The day I will be learning whether my pregnancy has progressed further than my previous two, or the day when I'll mark a third loss. I thought about giving up on my plan, but I am resolved.
