Hi, I'm missohkay. You're probably reading this because you're either trying to conceive or adopting, so I'll get to that part in a minute, I promise. In the other parts of my life, I've been happily married for almost 5 years. I've lived on a farm, in the suburbs, and now in a large city. I love music (both listening and playing). I love reading and writing. I hate exercising. I love traveling but hate flying. I love all things I couldn't eat while pregnant - goat cheese and wine and hotdogs. And now, what you've been waiting for...
The gory details
mrohkay and I started trying to conceive when I was 31. We gave it a half-hearted try (if it happens, it happens) for the first 3 months, expecting to just turn up pregnant without much effort. For the next four months, we tried harder. We were naive and frustrated, researching adoption (something we'd always talked about) even at that early stage. In January 2010, we had our first positive pregnancy test.
I didn't know much about early pregnancy; the books don't really cover miscarriage in any detail. I had an exam with my OB late in my 5th week. She chirpily announced that the sac looked good, but she couldn't tell if there was anything in it. But don't worry - she assured me - it's early. I didn't really worry because I didn't know any better. I had an exam at 7w3d and was told I'd had a miscarriage. I always thought that you'd know if you were having a miscarriage - wouldn't I have seen blood? Now I know better. I took misoprostol and several excruciating hours later, it was over.
We were told to follow the usual wait-three-months-before-trying again routine. Reluctantly we did. We were terrified and agreed that if this happened a second time, we'd quit and adopt. I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility during this time (which I recommend), and getting pregnant the next two times was a breeze once I started charting my cycles.
My second pregnancy was much different than the first. I had no headaches, no insomnia, no wild dreams, no breast tenderness. Turns out, I also had no baby. I spotted late in my 5th week and called the OB who let me come in for a scan. She couldn't find anything - not even a sac. The next day, I had some pain in my side and was told to go to the ER for a possible ectopic. I was just diagnosed with a chemical pregnancy and started bleeding naturally the next day.
At this point, I had some tests done. We decided to try one last time and again agreed that if this happened again, we'd quit and adopt. The third time seemed better. I was measuring behind, unfortunately (I will never listen to another medical professional reassure me that maybe I didn't know when I ovulated - I knew when I ovulated!). But they asked me to return a week later, and we finally saw a heartbeat! I measured at 6w3d and the little heartbeat was 95. I finally had morning sickness and all signs seemed to be pointing in the direction of a take-home baby... until 9w1d, when I saw a little blood in my underwear at work and instantly knew it was all over. I went to the ER and sat for hours waiting with no hope left that it was a viable pregnancy. I was right - the doctor found "no discernible embryo." I took misoprostol again, collected the tissue, and ended my run at baby-making.
The tests
I don't know exactly what all I was tested for after my second miscarriage. I know I was tested for a handful of autoimmune disorders, thyroid function, progesterone. I had a sonohysterogram. mrohkay and I both had karyotyping done. All came back normal except progesterone, which was low - not a surprise to me, since I have a 9-10 luteal phase. I supplemented progesterone with the last pregnancy, but my doctor wouldn't give it to me until I'd already had a positive pregnancy test, so maybe it was too late. Who knows. I have not (to my knowledge) been tested for clotting disorders or MTHFR variations. I don't believe I've had my FSH or AMH tested. I didn't learn anything from the tissue in the third pregnancy. I do plan to have the additional RPL tests done eventually, and I hope to try pregnancy again after our adoption.
The adoption
We chose an adoption agency and international adoption program after our third loss. We'd been talking about adoption forever and researching it for months. It felt like a natural choice, and we're so glad we made the switch. We are adopting from Africa but I can't currently disclose any more information than that, per my agency's rules. We should have a baby by early 2012 - fingers crossed! I'm happy to talk to anyone who is thinking about adoption - just send me an email: missohkay at yahoo plus the ol' dotcom.
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