Ridiculous, I know. Part of the issue is that I'm the big sister. I've experienced practically everything in life before her. And she's about to go through this huge thing that I can't even imagine. She never really "needed" me anyway, but the guiding big sister role is the role I've always felt. And so my mind wanders to what I know. I don't know anything about labor or newborns but damn do I know grief. So I reel my mind back in and tell myself that nothing bad will happen. She will be fine. The baby will be fine. My "expertise" is not needed here.
The baby's birth isn't about me. It's soooo not about me. But sometimes I really resent that no one in real life understands how hard this is. That my sister's baby isn't technically the first grandbaby. That I would have given birth already. Twice. (And once more in 10 weeks.) That I both look forward to and dread this baby with all my heart. But it doesn't seem to occur to them. Or maybe they just don't know what to say so they don't say anything. It wouldn't take much. "I'm sorry. This must be hard. Your babies mattered to us too. We wish we'd had the chance to meet them."