I've been avoiding my blog like the plague lately. We're trying to conceive again, and it's a lot of pressure. Pressure because I'm afraid it won't work. Pressure because, if it doesn't work, we've pretty much decided to take a break and adopt. Pressure because my younger sister is pregnant and ready to start publicly announcing it.
And to be honest, I'm very much afraid that I'll be found out online as an infertile fraud. You see, I can get pregnant. Heck, I've been pregnant twice this year. I suspect it won't take long to get pregnant again. Instead, I have recurrent pregnancy loss or, if you're looking for a sassier title, I'm a spontaneous aborter. (Fun!) I wouldn't even be so presumptuous as to call my losses recurrent, but if two consecutive miscarriages are enough for the experts to call it recurrent, who am I to criticize the name?
So the infertility label isn't a comfortable fit for me - after all, what kind of person who gets pregnant twice in one year tries to call herself infertile? But the online infertility community has been a great source of comfort and reassurance and, yes, even humor. (I wanted this blog to be humorous too, but that bit isn't working out as I'd planned.) I still feel like I'm on the outside looking in. It sucks how infertility makes everyone feel alone... and there I go again. To quote my favorite movie, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
